


The Birds and the Bees (But With Flowers!)

by BadassBeluga69 (ShamanicShaymin)



Series: Badass Beluga's Badfics & Art From Hell [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anatomically correct bees, Bad Puns, Better than B Movie, Deliberate Badfic, Hozier on a kazoo, I could've been an entomologist, If you take this seriously I feel sorry for you, Let's lampoon disability tropes while we're at it, M/M, Resurrecting Genitalia, Songfic, You can tell all my knowledge comes from fandom osmosis, You had the perfect bee romance and you blew it Dreamworks, but i'm especially proud of my bee research dammit, in another life i might've been a florist, the bees are the montague sharks and the flowers are the capulet jets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 18:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamanicShaymin/pseuds/BadassBeluga69
Summary: Misfit bee Keith falls in love with a misfit flower named Shiro! Will their romance overcome the prejudice of the hive and garden? Or are they doomed to BEE star-crossed lovers? Plz r/r this is my best fic ever





	The Birds and the Bees (But With Flowers!)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Heya!!! I never watched Voltron: Legendary Defender. (It's part of the Transformers franchise right? I always get those two mixed up!) But Keith and Shiro are total cuties and I just had to write about them! Sorry if they're OOC! This is my first fic for this fandom but I'm really proud of it! Be gentle please. <3

Once upon a time, there was a bee named Keith. He worked very hard for all his bee brothers and sisters (A/N: I KNOW WORKER BEES ARE ALL GIRLS OKAY!?!?!? KEITH IS JUST SPECIAL!) in the hive, and he was just about the cutest bee in the world. As a bumblebee, he had the most adorable fuzzy "bee"-hind that was super sexy (especially when he wiggled his stinger!) and as soft as a colony of chinchillas. He was striped yellow and black: yellow like the yummiest yellow cake and black as the most gothic black coffee. Unfortunately, all the bees mocked Keith for being a male bee that worked instead of whoring out for the Queen. (A/N 2: SEEEE!? I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD GET ADDRESSED!) Like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, he felt lonely and sad in the world. After a long day's worth of fetching pollen and making honey, the heartbroken bee would cry himself to sleep playing records by Sting, the Beetles, and Bee-yoncé.

The next day was different! That's because Keith found the most beautiful flower in all of the world... a buxom white rose named Shiro. Shyly waving his stamens, Shiro let Keith gather his pollen. Keith inhaled the scent... it was like roses and honey and freshly done laundry all at once! The bee knew he would go back to Shiro for pollen again and again.

"Why do you stare at me so?" Shiro asked.

"Becauzzzzz you're gorgeouzzzz, babe!" Keith ejaculated.

"No I'm not, I'm hideous!" Shiro sobbed. "I'm ugly because of my deformity. I'm missing a petal!"

"Really? I didn't notizzzz at all."

"All the other flowers do! They pick on me and call me names like weed and SHEAR-O. They can't wait for the SHEAR-Os to clip me away." Shiro sniffled.

"All the beeeeeeeezzz zzzay I'm a freak BEEcauzzzzz I'm a boy but I don't zzzzzzleep with the Queen."

"No one should make fun of you for that! It's not fair."

"Well whatever I think you're BEE-you-tiful even if you're mizzzzzzing a petal."

"And I think you're nice even if you are a boy and you work."

"Zzzzzee you tomorrow, Zzzzzhiroliciouzzz~" Keith blew a kiss before buzzing away.

"Oh my!" Shiro blushed. "How romantic!"

~

Shiro and Keith saw each other every day. They even started making out. But the bees and the flowers were angry. Seeing their victims smile made them sick! So the next time Keith flew to rendezvous with Shiro, the couple was in for a nasty surprise... everywhere, bees and flowers were holding rifles and pointing them at their faces!

"Nooooooo! Stop!" Shiro cried. "What are you doing? What do you have against us!?"

"Beeeeeeezzz only have a zzzhort life zzzzzpan and only live for about a year if they're lucky." Bee 1 sneered. "Therefore, beeeeeeezzz are too young to conzzzzent. Zzzzzhiro izzzz a pedophile!"

"Beeeeeeezzzz are zzzzupposed to mate with the Queen!" Bee 2 exclaimed. "But if Keith fallzzzzz in love with a male rozzzzzzze, he is fetizzzzzzzhizzzzzzzzzing gay relationzzzzzhipzzzz!"

"This romance is soooooooo problematic!" Flower 1 complained. "If a bee thinks a rose that's missing a petal is desirable, he's objectifying disabled flowers!"

"Keith only ever wants Shiro for his pollen! It's an unbalanced relationship if there ever was any!" Flower 2 scoffed. "Also, they had an argument once over whether they think May or April is better. That's textbook abuse!"

"Guyzzzz, you have it all wrong!" Keith shouted. "I love Zzzhiro with all of my heart and you can't zzzzztop me!"

"Zzzzztop! In the name of purity, you die!" The mob roared. The sky was alive with bullets, but Keith didn't feel a single one hit him. When he opened his eyes, Shiro was riddled with holes and fell to the ground. He had sacrificed himself to save Keith!

"I love you more than my own life, Keith. Farewell." Shiro smiled with a single tear rolling down his cheek. Then he died in Keith's adorable bee arms.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!" Keith sobbed and collapsed over his body. Oooooh, he wanted revenge against those horrible evil flowers and bees for taking away his lover! He wanted to grab one of the rifles and shoot up everybody including himself. But instead, the grief-struck bee forced himself up and glared at Shiro's murderers. Then he started to sing:

  
" _My loverrrrrrr'z got humor_  
_Zheeeeeeez the giggle at a funeral_  
_Knowzzzz everybodeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz dizzzapproval  
__I zzzzzhould've worzzzzhiped her soonerrrr!_

_If the Heavenzzzzz ever did szzpeak_  
_Zheeeeeezzzz iz the lazzzt true mouthbeeeeeez_  
_Every Zzzzunday'zzz getting more BEE-leak  
_ _A frezzzh poizzzon each week  
_ _‘We were born zzzzick,’ you heard them zzzzzzay it!_

_My hive offerzzz no absolutezzz_  
_Zheeeeeee tellz me 'worzzzhip in the bedroom'_  
_The only heaven I'll be zzzzzent to_  
_Izzzz when I'm alone with you  
_ _I wazzzzz born zzzzick, but I love it  
_ _Command me to be well..._

_Ayyyyyy! Ayyyyyyyy-men! Ayyyyyyyymin! Ayyyyymen!_

_Take me to church!_  
_I'll worzzzhip like a dog at the zzzzhrine of your liezzzz_  
_I'll tell you my zzzzzins and you can zzzharpen your knife_  
_Offer me that deathlezzzzzzzzzzzz death  
_ _Good God, let me give you my life!_

_TAKE ME TO CHURCH!_  
_I'll worzzzhip like a dog at the zzzzhrine of your liezzzz_  
_I'll tell you my zzzzzins and you can zzzharpen your knife_  
_Offer me that deathlezzzzzzzzzzzz death  
_ _Good God, let me give you my life!_

_If I'm a pagan of the good timezzz_  
_My lover'zzzz the zzzzunlight_  
_To keep the Goddezzzzz on my zzzzide_  
_Zzzzhe demands a zzzzacrifizzzze_

_Drain the whole zzzzea_  
Get zzzomething zzzzhiny  
Zzzzzomething meaty for the main courzzzze  
That'zzzzz a fine looking high horzzzze!  
What you got in the zzzzzstable?  
We've a lot of zzzztarving faithful  
  
_That looks tazzzzty!_  
_That looks plenty!_  
_Thizzz izzz hungry work!_

_Take me to church!_  
_I'll worzzzhip like a dog at the zzzzhrine of your liezzzz_  
_I'll tell you my zzzzzins and you can zzzharpen your knife_  
_Offer me that deathlezzzzzzzzzzzz death  
_ _Good God, let me give you my life!_

_TAKE ME TO CHURCH!_  
_I'll worzzzhip like a dog at the zzzzhrine of your liezzzz_  
_I'll tell you my zzzzzins and you can zzzharpen your knife_  
_Offer me that deathlezzzzzzzzzzzz death  
_ _Good God, let me give you my life!_

_No Mazzzterzzzzz or Kingzzzz_  
_When the Ritual beginzzzz_  
_There is no zzzzweeter innocenzzzz than our gentle zzzin_  
  
_In the madnezzzzzz and zzzzoil of that zzzzad earthly zzzzcene_  
_Only then I am a BEE_  
_Only then I am clean_  
_Ohhhh..._

_Ohhhh..._ _Ayyyyyyyy-men! Ayyyyyyyymiiiiiiiiiin! Ayyyyymeeennnnnn!_

_Take me to church!_  
_I'll worzzzhip like a dog at the zzzzhrine of your liezzzz_  
_I'll tell you my zzzzzins and you can zzzharpen your knife_  
_Offer me that deathlezzzzzzzzzzzz death  
_ _Good God, let me give you my life!_

 _TAKE ME TO CHURCH!_  
_I'll worzzzhip like a dog at the zzzzhrine of your liezzzz_  
_I'll tell you my zzzzzins and you can zzzharpen your knife_  
_Offer me that deathlezzzzzzzzzzzz death_  
_Good God, let me give you my life!"_

 

As Keith bellowed and wailed through the song with a voice even more angelic than Hozzzzzzzzier's, several of the bees and flowers started to sniffle and cry. What had they done? So blind were they in their tears that they didn't notice until it was too late that Keith had positioned his stinger at Shiro's entrance.

"No Keith! Don't do it!" The flowers cried.

"If you uzzze your zzzzztinger, you'll die!" The bees sobbed.

But Keith had already penetrated Shiro's lifeless body and was humping him as fast as his little wings can carry him. But suddenly, a miracle occurred! A sunbeam shined upon the couple as they did their intercourse, and with each thrust, Shiro was moaning in ecstasy. Keith's stinger, rather than tear the ligaments and organs from his body and leave him a dead bee, was filled not with the venom of hatred from the bees or the passive-aggressive pollen of the flowers but the sweet sweet honey of his passion for Shiro. And that passion brought Shiro back to life!

"Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Keith!" Shiro gasped. "My petals! My petals are all back! So is my missing one! I'M CURED!!!11!1"

"I'm coming Zzzzhiro! I'm comiiiiiiiiiiiing!"

"Hey! That's problematic because his petals came back!" a couple flowers protested.  
  
"No, it'zzzz problematic if you dezzzzzide to deny Zzzzhiro hizzzz fantazzzzzy and leave him crippled!" a couple bees argued.  
  
"Anyway, this zzzhip is  _still_ problematic becaussszze—" They both started.

" **NONE OF YOUR BEEEEEEEEZZZZZWAX!!!!!!** " screamed Keith and Shiro. They picked up the rifles and shot all remaining dissenters. Everyone else was allowed to watch them finish sex and applaud.


End file.
